Chastity and Relationship:
a Reflection Before Marriage

Phil Elder

It's a tough world out there. Monique and I are constantly being told throughout all forms of media and people that we meet that we are supposed to be living together or sleeping together before marriage. There are so many opportunities to witness to how blessed we are because we are waiting. At first I thought that the bond that is growing between us was growing in spite of chastity. Through guidance and prayer I have come to realise that it is growing because of chastity! Having to have sex to, "get to know each other better" is a load of malarkey (read crap). :-)

We are able to see each other for who we are, gift. We are better able to build the foundations of good communication. We are clearer on where we stand in faith, in God's Spirit. We are able to pray while in a state of grace. One of the gifts of praying with Monique has been a deep spiritual sense of the bond. We are truly growing together. This togetherness that we are building now will be solidified, made concrete, on our wedding night. It is from there that a whole new journey will begin in discovering just what new graces are available to us in the Sacrament of Marriage. There will be the discovery of each other that will hopefully be ongoing for the rest of our married life. There will be the physical/emotional-mental/spiritual unity to discover and explore.

These are just some of the blessings and gifts that we are becoming aware of in our relationship. I am truly blessed by God to have Monique in my life. She is truly an amazing woman who makes it so very easy for me to love her. She is truly a gift. One can speak of husband and wife complimenting each other, not completing each other (we are complete in God already)...she is truly the greatest compliment that God has ever given me!!! :-) *HUGE SMILE*

There really are so many reasons for waiting. One principle reason is that I am gift. I want to offer the gift that I am whole, complete, and untarnished. Only one person will truly receive this gift that I am and that is the person that I marry, or, God to whom I make a sacrifice of the gift to in consecrated life. I want the gift to be pure. I want the gift to be true. The perspective on self, how I see myself in relationship to God, to others, and to myself plays a significant role. We are told and it is drilled in to us by various means around us, sometimes those closest to us :(, that we are nothing, incomplete, not sacred, not worth anything, and the list goes on... This is a LIE!!! Through healing and grace all those lies that we have been taught and believe now will be healed and erased. We will regain our innocence, we will regain our purity, our virginity, we will regain our right view of self especially in relationship to God. I am LOVED!!! Monique very much makes that "ideal" truly real! That is one grace of marriage and chastity. We are, in the sacrament of marriage and in a chaste relationship (we can catch glimpses of this truth to come), Jesus for each other. Our love for each other and our ability to accept each other's love makes very real, very tangible, the love that God has for us!

The above is a short reflection on the many graces that have been flowing in our lives since our relationship began last March. We were engaged 3 months to the day later on June 7. We will be married in 59 days! Whoohooo!!!!

Keep us in your prayers please! We will do likewise!